Scooter Gang Fears Nazi Travolta
Okay, okay, so imagine a world quite alike to this one. It developed almost exactly like this one except for one small thing: the Nazis just barely won WWII. I had a dream where this happened, and I was leading a rebellion of kids with scooters. My brother and sister and I infiltrated a neighborhood to get the kids to escape. We had to hide in a house and it was utterly terrifying. John Travolta and Rob Lowe played the neighborhood Nazis of the highest ranking. At the climax of the dream, the kids had all rallied their scooters together and hid them, because, “tomorrow,” it was said, “we shall ride.” There is then a rough patch where I have to convince some kids not to stay, or to tattle if they do, and there's a part where John Travolta discovers me in his basement right after I get my siblings out of there. That part was the scariest. Then we ride away to freedom on our scooters. At the very end, I'm scootering off to the next town to rally more kids and, as I leave, my real-life alarm clock goes off to wake me up, and it's playing “Touch Of Grey” by The Grateful Dead, which coincidentally made for the perfect credits music, in my opinion, should this have been a movie.
Maniacal PVC Pipe With Agenda
It starts off with about 300 people at a cliffside house with a pool, out in the back, overlooking the edge; everyone’s partying it up when they all suddenly spawn a PVC pipe in their hand—everyone except the main character, who apparently was me. They all start beating each other up. The main character didn't get a pipe so he grabs a hammer and a plastic chair and he runs. People notice him, specifically, so they give chase. A TV is thrown at him; he bats people with the chair; other things; then he gets cornered, so he uses the chair as a lion tamer would, to deter them from nearing. Then he turns and hops the fence down the cliff. Smash cut to "20 hours earlier... 8am", he wakes up in a bed. He goes into kitchen and looks out the back window: it's the backyard from earlier (gasp) but he's content. He goes out back and notices how steep the cliff is. He goes into the living room; his friend brings home a new TV (the TV from earlier (gasp)). A few other things happen. The main guy goes out back and sees a PVC pipe in a pyre and he whips it out (as to keep it from catching fire, even though it’s PVC); it sticks to him, somehow (not from melting). He thinks it welded itself to him, so he and his friend try to pull it off, but it transfers to the friend. They gasp. The friend waves it around; guy takes it back. Guy and friend go to the store—the PVC still stuck to the guy’s hand. They purchase a lot of food then return home. The guy is out back, sitting on the plastic chair, trying to get the PVC pipe off of him. He whips it, hard, and it flies away, off his hand and over the cliff. The guy is like "YES!" but it spawns back in his hand, stuck. He tries again, and same thing happens. He is sad. Eventually the party they're hosting starts, then it grows and grows. Guy gets in a fight over a girl; he beats the other guy with the PVC pipe. Everyone is disgusted with him. The PVC suddenly, miraculously, drops from his hand. He picks it up and throws it over the cliff, realizing that the PVC is evil and manipulative. Then, as if in defiance to his vengeful action, PVC pipes spawn in everyone else's hands, and they get rage in their eyes; they all fight. The opening sequence reiterates itself, and then guy jumps the fence. There are three possible endings:
1. He lands on thin, low sidewalk on the other side; runs off to a tall building, goes inside, hides. Characters from the Team Fortress 2 red team walk past him; one notices him. He picks up the Demoman's grenade launcher and fires a few rounds at them, then runs further up the building’s spiraling center. He comes across Sarah Silverman and she tells him to go with her. They run upstairs but a Heavy is at the helipad, so they run back but are again blocked, so they jump out a window and onto a helicopter where she explains what the PVC is (she's with the CIA and for some reason knows why the pipe was malicious and powerful) and why the PVC is taking over the world.
2. He lands on thin, low sidewalk on the other side; runs in the opposite direction, to the street. He grabs a bike off of a lawn and flies down the road. He turns onto a parallel road and sees a man jogging with headphones in who stops at the PVC. The guy yells out, “Stop!” but the man picks it up. He gets rage-eyes, and charges at the guy, who bikes off, and a van pulls up; he hops off the bike and into the van. They drive away. Sarah Silverman is in the back. As a member of the CIA, she explains what the PVC is and why it's taking over the world.
3. Either of the aforementioned endings except that when he jumps through the glass or when the headphone man charges, he wakes up — and it's me, in bed, confused at my own dream. (Personally I don't like this option but it seems the most REASONABLE. Also, I’ve never understood why sometimes my dreams rewind and play-out a new ending simply for the fun of it, especially when I’m not consciously demanding a rewrite.)
4. Or some other fourth ending, sure. Who cares.
Bittersweet Sojourn For Boy ‘s Toys
I've had a lot of dreams recently where, no matter what the main dream is, the setting is that I'm a kid again in "my old house" and we're packing to move and I play with "my toys" one last time (because they're not going with us). And then we have an adventure—but one where the toys are real—and, at the very end, I always have a tear-jerking goodbye where I run over and take a few toys (the special ones) out of the moving van, run back into "my old room", and, while "my parents" pack up the last stuff, I remember the fun I had a long time ago with them (although they're no longer animate as I do this, this time) and I am sad, and they're probably sad except the fact that they’re not animate. And I go on and on with this until "my parents" come back and take the toys to put them back in the van. — It's sad, but the final adventures were awesome (that being the bulk of the film/dream): a few simple, rousing adventures, all connected by a through-line; just a kid, aging out of owning physical toys (like action figures and the like) and playing with his favorites for the last time.
Ice-Skating Swordsmen Brutalize Brutes
There's this other world, right? There are grand cities and elaborate wildernesses and a badland of intricate canyons, spires, and shrubberies. The heroes traverse these badlands, fighting a couple bandits along the way. They come to a river, adjacent to a city that itself is adjacent to the badland. Some rivers ice-over easily, and this is where these ice-skating swordsman people all live. They're extremely fast when on their ice skates (like, four-times their running speed, but right off the bat). Near the deeper waters, where the rivers aren't icy, there are these brutes who are monsters, six-times the size of a man, with hulking muscles and baring little resemblance to humans.
In this case, a brute kidnapped someone and the two heroes ask two ice swordsmen to stop battling each other and to help battle the brute. They agree, and the heroes skate towards the brutes, but are ambushed. Five brutes are attacking. Our main hero gets to the end of the ice and falls into the river, after an unheard warning comes from a swordsman. The hero climbs out to find a charging brute. The hero dodges and runs to the tree line. He sticks a small bomb near the bottom of a tree and runs into the forest. When the brute passes, the bomb goes off, and the tree falls onto the brute. (Where did he get the bomb? Who gives a shit.) Back at the ice, the second hero is being chased by a brute, so as it passes him the main hero throws one of his ice skates at him (with a bomb slipped inside the shoe) and the blade embeds the skate in the brute's back, and explodes. The hero shimmies up an electricity pole and uses the wires to shimmy across the river, into an electrical plant between the river and the city. A brute follows underneath him, however. The hero takes out a hollow knife with a long silver wire coiled inside it, with a silver ball at the end. Clutching the ball, he throws the knife and it lodges in the brute's back, and he tosses the ball onto an electrical wire, and the brute is electrocuted. (Why he doesn’t get electrocuted when he, too, is touching the wires, I’m not sure. Who gives a shit.) A fourth brute sees this and runs after him. He climbs a building near the edge of the city. He gets to an open atrium with a fountain and a metal globe in the middle. He looks over the edge and sees the brute is beginning to climb. Noticing a tower across the gap that has retractable walkways, he hits the button, releasing the walkway, which arrives in time to pin the brute to the wall. He cuts one of the globe's supports with his other skate and the globe rolls off toward the brute. It bumps into his head, and his arms let go of the wall. The hero hits the button, the walkway pulls back, the brute falls through to the ground, and the globe lands on him, crushing him. The hero sits down... and then remembers there was a fifth brute, who at that exact moment appears behind him, so he leaps onto a pole and slides down to the ground. The brute follows. He runs through the electrical plant, past the zapped dead brute, and out to the ice. The fifth brute is right on his tail and about to strike when the two ice swordsmen slash at it simultaneously. They apologize for not leaving the ice earlier. The second hero returns, too, having found the path to the brutes' base, where the kidnapped girl is. (The dream continues from here on out but I’ve forgotten so much of it in trying to accurately recall all of that opening part, so I guess that’s the end of it—here, at least.)
Zombies Versus ‘The Cage Man’
Zombie hordes fester in an post-apocalyptic world, with Nicolas Cage as the brown leather jacket-clad zombie-ass-kicker and the leader of a hardened group of survivors. (And Nick Swardson is the profane, lisping, bloodthirsty chieftain of a reclaimed former Army/FEMA fortress now guarded-by and powered-by the chained command of the walking dead.)
Long Song Bothers Bob Barker
"Samson", a proudly-maned bare-chested Adonis, sings a specific “signature” song, and the ongoing game show—being played and recorded in the other half of the shared studio hanger—is brought to a halt as Samson’s music video production overlaps with their soundstage, leading to large props of the game show breaking and many people freaking out. The song was... uh... I remember it was a ballad, almost like a sad pop-opera. (Popera? Not real.) It was something.
Original document created 08/28/2013.